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Cabinet Tales VII

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Disclaimer. Fiction. Any relation between the characters below and real people is a pure coincidence.

Katumani 1: (Singing) PARAPANDA ZINALIA, PARAPANDA…

Ganja 1: Ay. Stop that. And btw get out of my bathroom. Why are you always here? You were given a whole building for your offices in town!

Katumani 1: Usikuwe hivyo! *Sniff*

Ganja 1: Alright, alright. Enough with the waterworks. Can we call this meeting to order.

Kimemia: Order!

Rotich: I have some concerns over this budget. We are overstretched. And this proposal to tax unga…

Kimemia: What is “unga”?

Katumani 1: Ha ha!

Kimemia: You Ponyoka Na Millioni be quiet. Don’t think I have forgotten about your jet!

Katumani 1: *Sniff*

Ganja 1: (Angrily) Now look what you’ve done! Remember when you guys have gone he’ll be here sobbing into my cushions!

Mac10: Now, about these laptops …

Ganja 1: I hear there are some laptops called Uhuru. By name alone they must be good ….

Amina: Some people here keep staring at me. It’s flattering, yes, but It’s undiplomatic

Kambi: Yes. It is a labour of love. Ha ha!

Macharia: Ha ha!

Amina: What are you laughing at? You think a stethoscope is something you find on a submarine!

Kamau: Thank God I am organized, focused, and I think big. To reduce congestion on our roads I am proposing Kenyans stop driving and start using light aircraft

Ganja 1: BTW Wario, while I admire your commitment to your duty, I’m not sure it is in order for the Sports Cabinet Secretary to attend our meeting in P.E. kit

Omamo: Nice legs, btw

Ngilu: Ha ha!

Wario: What are some people’s qualifications, over and above 40 words per minute?

Balala: (Looking into a pocket mirror) Manze, mimi ni fine-thank-you!

Ganja 1: Please. Let us all re-iterate our commitment. Btw, I love saying the word commitment. Let me say it again. Commitment.

Katumani 1: (Singing) “… I suffered all these years, and shed so many tears …”

Ganja 1: Please, let us put away our iPhones and stop singing 2Pac

Rotich: There is also this item of 100 million on Ruto’s house …

Katumani 1: Mwanaume ni effort manze. There’s a gym there. People need to exercise their biceps, triceps, quardriceps …

Amina: and tear ducts….

Ganja 1: (Hastily) Cmon now! Not cool. She didn’t mean that

Adan: I wish I was defence secretary. Have you seen my Angry Birds scores?

Ganja 1: I expect everyone to affirm their commitment to their responsibilities. Kusema na ku …

Katumani 1: TENDER!

Balala: BTW, there is this musician, Redsan. Can you clear the air whether he is Kenyan or Jamaican, Amina

Amina:Well, South B is just north of Kingston so I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions

Chirchir: Oga-o ma sista-o!

Amina: Is that an attempt to mock me?

Kandie: Some people say. Others do. Chine-du!

Omamo: Oh! NOW you find your voice!

Kimemia: Order!

Adan: The fisheries minister has fish fingers in his coat pockets …

Kosgey: I cannot imagine how they got there *nom nom nom*

Ganja 1: Seriously guys. My commitment to affirmation is solid. I mean affirmation to commitment. This teachers thing … our children are suffering!

Kimemia: What are children? And what is suffering?

Mac10: Teachers can teach with laptops. After all, they all have laps.

Ganja 1: Has anyone seen my frequent flyer miles? (Checks pockets) I must have left it in my other suit.

*Flushing loo*

Katumani 1: (Emerging) BTW there’s some graffiti in there. LOL

Omamo: You know, you’re not actually supposed to say “LOL”

Katumani 1: But I see it all the time on Twitter. That and *Crying*

Amina: Yup. You’ve seen a lot of that all right.

Katumani 1: Ay! What does that mean?

Ganja 1: (Hastily) Ok! What does the graffiti say?

If State House was the Vatican, we’d be on our eleventh Pope since March


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